Author Interview - Ralph Ewig

Welcome, Ralph! Tell us a bit about yourself.

Hello everyone, and special thanks to Sam Richards for setting up this interview! I’m a self-described explorer of everything (from outer space to human nature), and in recent years I have started to share some of my exploits in the form of scifi novels and short stories. I was born and raised in Western Europe to parents of German, Spanish, French and Moroccan heritage, and then migrated myself to Seattle in the US at the age of 20 to study aerospace engineering. Seattle being the “Gate to the Pacific”, I picked up strong influences of Asian culture there together with three college degrees, and since then I have worked as an engineer at various space companies along the west coast. Currently, I live in Los Angeles California, and make a living working for Elon Musk’s Space Exploration Technologies (SpaceX).

From my brief research, I can see you lead a pretty active lifestyle – how do you find any time to write?

That is a really good question. Life does keep me busy, and I learned long ago that time is absolutely the most precious (and ultimately finite) resource there is. There is so much I want to do, and you can trade time for just about anything else, but you’ll never get it back! I do lots of work in my head while occupied with other mundane tasks – I’ve had some of my best ideas while taking a shower or working out – so when I sit down at the keyboard, it’s really just to do a data-dump of everything that’s piled up in the last couple of hours or days. Throughout the year, I keep collecting ideas for places, characters, and story lines; only when a given project has reached critical mass do I start the actual writing. It’s become a bit of a winter-holiday tradition for me to bang out a new draft for a novel (most recently for Sadaka, the second book in the Lucid Space series). I also travel quite a bit between California and the SpaceX launch-site at Cape Canaveral Florida, and those long flights are great for getting some uninterrupted writing time.

When did you begin writing and how did you develop to where you are now?

I’ve always loved reading scifi. One of my earliest addictions was my dad’s collection of original Star Trek books. When I took my first creative writing class in high school, I wrote a short story for a Star Trek episode which grew serious legs around the school. As a teenager, I took up Kendo (Japanese style sword fighting) and other students in the dojo introduced me to table-top role playing games like Call of Cthulu, Midgard, and War Hammer 40k. I created game scenarios for my friends, which was a fantastic learning experience because you literally get instant feedback on your story, and you learn how people behave in stressful situations. If you want to know what your friends are really like, share a 24 hour RGP session with them, while everybody is hopped up on caffeine and trying to navigate their favourite character through an alien attack encounter – it can be a real eye-opener! When I got into my twenties, I finally decided to try my hand at the first draft of Eleuthera. Over the years, I re-wrote that book dozens of times, until the advent of self-publishing finally made me put it in front of the public eye in 2011.

Tell us about your books – what are they about?

For me, a good story needs three essential ingredients: interesting characters, a world worth exploring, and “something to say”. In some ways, I really start with the characters and then I’m just along for the ride, watching them grow as individuals and explore the world I build around them. I’m insatiably curious about any form of exploration, both “external” as in space or ocean exploration, but also “internal” as in transhumanism and evolution of life in general. There is beauty all around us, all you have to do is pay attention to it. I want my readers to have fun with my writing and discover wondrous new worlds, but I also want to make them think a little – to look at familiar things in new ways, or maybe even realize something new about themselves.

I see you work for NASA – as a science fiction writer, how much does your work inspire your writing?

To be precise, I’m not a NASA employee; however, the work I’m involved with at SpaceX is mostly funded by NASA, since we are developing a new spacecraft to take both cargo and people to the International Space Station (ISS). In my writing, I draw on my knowledge of astronomy (all of the locations in my stories exist in reality), engineering (most technology in my books is an extrapolation of current capabilities), and even operations. In the last two years, I went through a lot of training to operate the SpaceX Dragon spacecraft from the ground during its flight to the ISS. When we work in Mission Ops, we use a voice intercom system (think radio but it goes over hardwire) to coordinate the various locations and people involved in the operation. If you listen to the conversation on those voiceloops without being in the control room, it gives you a kind of tunnel vision on what’s going on. In Sadaka, there’s an opening scene where a crisis develops on a space station, and I wrote it like a transcript of the voiceloop traffic in the mission control room. It’s like giving the reader the whole picture one pixel at a time, until the entire scene comes together in their mind and makes them go “holy [insert favourite expletive]!” when they suddenly realize what’s going on.

Who is your favourite author and why?

There are so many, it’s hard to pick one or even just a few. Growing up I read a lot of the scifi classics like Asimov and Heinlein. As I ran out of mainstream material and broadened my horizons, I discovered both old and new books which had a lasting influence on me. Going back in time, Norman Spinrad is one of my favourites, together with Edgar Rice Burroughs. Older scifi often has a range and depth of imagination which far exceeds more contemporary books; so little was known then about the realities and technology of our modern world that authors just had to make it up, and the line between scifi and fantasy gets very blurry. More recently there were William Gibson with Neuromancer, Richard K. Morgan’s Altered Carbon, and Peter F. Hamilton’s Reality Dysfunction series. All of these books project not just a technological future, but also new forms of society and human interaction. Last but not least, I’m also a huge fan of Neal Stephenson, whom I had the honour of meeting at Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin space company once. His books are awesome fun to read and usually depict mind-bendingly bizarre (yet fully believable) societies; Snow Crash and Anathem are two of my favourites.

You've travelled a fair bit and worked in a variety of vocations – how has this aided you as a writer?

My family is very international; I grew up in Europe but have familial ties to both North America (Canada) and Africa, and close friendships with many people in Asia. It certainly has added to my experiences and interactions with all kinds of people, cultures, and places. But it’s not just different places, but also being a part of different strata in society which I encountered working as a musician, a roadie, a lumberjack, a vineyard apprentice, and with many government and commercial space organizations. There are some stories with great plots, but as you read them you can’t help but think “people just don’t behave that way - lame!”. As a writer, I think it helps to have had interactions with people in all walks of life. A character born into wealth and corporate power will act very differently than one who has lived perfecting the skills of craftsmanship. Two people can have completely different perspectives when looking at the same situation, because all their life they’ve had very different priorities.

Tell us a little about your use of social media to promote your books.

Social media are a powerful tool to let people know of your existence and what it is that you would like to share with them. My heaviest use of social media is probably my blog (www.onehandpublishing.com/blog/ralphewig) where I post any interesting bits on space, design, beauty, scifi, and technology I come across on during my day. All posts are pushed to my twitter feed (@OpenAerospace) which over time has gathered more than 15,000 followers. Ultimately, the work I do in space exploration is funded by the general public, so I feel a strong desire and obligation to share the wonder and excitement I’m privileged to enjoy every day with as many people as possible.

What's the biggest mistake an inexperienced writer can make?

Lack of editing - as an unpublished author, it’s really hard to find someone to edit your story. Online services charge four digit numbers (and there’s always that worry they might rip off your story), and asking friends or family can be emotionally challenging. My mother once came across a draft for a story I had typed up with some pretty explicit content – awkward to say the least! On the other hand, one of my professors in college told me: “A bad idea presented well will fail eventually. A good idea presented poorly will fail immediately.” Be a perfectionist, details matter - no story should ever see the public eye on the first draft, keep editing, polishing, chipping away at it until it is perfect; and then have someone else copyedit it for you for good measure.

And finally, what's the key to successful self-publishing?

I think the key is to look at self-publishing as a journey rather than an event. Don’t expect to wow thousands of readers with your first story when it finally hits the shelves. There are millions of books for people to choose from, and with the availability of ebooks (which never go out of print), that number continuous to sky-rocket. Even if you’ve written the most brilliant book since The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, it won’t matter unless people know it exists and have a way to get their hands on it. After you’re done writing, you need to introduce yourself to your potential readers (marketing), then the presentation of your story needs to convince them to start reading (cover design), and lastly you need to encourage them to share what they thought with as many people as possible (reviews). It takes time to build a base of loyal readers, and once you have their admiration treat them with the respect they deserve. If a tree falls over in the forest without anybody there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Ralph Ewig is the author of “Eleuthera” and other titles – find him on Barnes & Noble, Smashwords and Amazon US. Catch up with Ralph on his blog - http://www.onehandpublishing.com/blog/ralphewig

Ten things Star Wars has taught me

1. Red lightsaber = Sith, any other colour = Jedi.

2. Always double-check - they just might be the droids you're looking for.

3. Although they are the elite soldiers of the Empire, a stormtrooper couldn't hit a broad side of a barn with his blaster.

4. 10,000 credits - you could buy your own ship with that (but who's gonna fly it, you?).

5. Get to know a girl before you embark on a romantic relationship. She may be from the other side of the galaxy, but it's highly likely she's your sister.

6. Han Solo knows you love him.

7. Admiral Ackbar is the king of stating the obvious (it's a trap!).

8. If you're white, British and human, you've got great prospects in the Imperial armed forces.

9. The rebels may be fighting to end the oppression of the evil emperor, but they don't mind a bit of Wookie discrimination in their award ceremonies.

10. "I've got a bad feeling about this" - an appropriate response to most perilous situations.

Movie music magic!

Have you ever been watching a film, and a song kicks in that is so perfect for that moment in the story, that it sends a shiver down your spine? I was considering this phenomenon recently, and these were the three examples that instantly popped into my head, defining that special instant when what you hear and what you see couldn't be more faultlessly aligned.

"Omen" by Prodigy, featured in Kick-ass (2010)

As Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson), dressed as his green-suited alter-ego 'Kick-ass', watches three gang members lay into an unlucky rival, the eerie synth loop starts to play. Lizewski tries to stop the fight but is pushed back. "It's none of your business," shouts one of the men. "Yes it is," replies the youth, loosing his iconic green batons from their holsters on his back. He joins the fray, the song's main electronic riff screaming into life, the bass-heavy drum track resounding as Kick-ass lashes out wildly, taking hit after hit. This Prodigy track works fantastically with this episode in the movie, drawing you into the action as the have-a-go hero tries to do something right.

"Sabotage" by Beastie Boys, featured in Star Trek (2009)

What band's music would best suit a young rebel without a cause, set adrift in the twenty-third century? A frustrated youth who doesn't play by the rules, but has the potential within him to save the citizens of entire planets - what song would define him best? The answer blasts out of the speakers as a young James Tiberius Kirk (Jimmy Bennett), joy-riding in his step-father's classic sportscar, thunders along an empty desert road. His adolencent roar mixes with the screaming vocal of the song's intro, the distorted guitars, pounding drum beat and dj-scratches spewing anarchy into the viewers ears; the only aural accompaniment fit for this scene.

"Extreme Ways" by Moby, featured in The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

[SPOILER ALERT! PLOT REVEALED!]

Although this track features in each episode of the Bourne trilogy, it is definitely used most effectively in the last installment of the series. In the final minutes of the film a news reporter's voice reveals that the body of the story's possibly deceased hero has not yet been discovered. As a smile creeps over the face of Bourne's companion Nicky Parsons, played by Julia Stiles, the siren-like strings of the song pierce the tranquility. Cut to Bourne's body as it continues to sink under the water, the keys and electric guitar joining the fray. Suddenly he moves, still alive against all odds. As Bourne swims away into the darkness, disappearing from view, a snare-drum fill cracks like a machinegun, ushering in the song's verse as the credits roll. Absolute perfection.

These are only a few of many examples that I could have chosen, so let me know what movie music gets your spine tingling!

'Stagged'

As we turned the corner into the Sainsbury's car-park and I caught a glimpse of a stormtrooper sitting in the passenger sit of my friend's red mini, I knew it was going to be a very interesting day.

Saturday the 19th of June was the date of my stag event, and all I was 'supposed'to know about the day was that we were going somewhere and that there would be a Star Wars/sci-fi fancy dress theme. I say 'supposed' because my brother (one of my best men) had accidentally told me where we were going for the day; Legoland Windsor! I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't have the surprise on the day, but that quickly faded when I remembered; we're going to Legoland!

I had been told that a costume would be arranged for me, and so I stood nervously waiting for it to be revealed, as my friends turned up in their fancy dress. We had a couple of stormtroopers, Darth Vader, Yoda, Darth Maul, Obi Wan Kenobi, the Emperor, a rebel trooper, Buzz Lightyear and a ghost buster! Once everyone was there, my other best man Matt got my costume out; I was to be Princess Leia! My clothing consisted of a white dress (which was surprisingly comfortable) and two Danish pastries taped to the side of my head, meaning that for the whole day my face smelt like a bakery and I couldn't hear a thing!

Once we had all arrived at Legoland my tasks and challenges began. I had a list of items I have to try to obtain throughout the day, such as a used tissue, an AA battery, a piece of cheese and so on. I managed to get seven of the twelve things, which I think wasn't too bad. I also had to undertake some challenges, the biggest one being that I had to recite a poem I had composed during the car journey, containing certain words and phrases chosen by my best men. I have included it below for your literary interest, the prescribed content highlighted.

Lego, will you marry me?

I love Lego, it makes me want to spasm,

I love it so much, I might turn to ectoplasm,

As a young padawan, the blocks I would wield,

Building X-wings and TIE fighters, complete with deflector shields,

When I've got some Lego, I must report,

I feel like Luke, firing down the exhaust port,

I could be anywhere, even Calne Country Festival,

Cos when I've got Lego, I'm feeling best of all,

I'm going to build a Lego house, full of Lego apparel,

A Lego bed, a Lego chair, a basin and towel,

It could be in Crudwell, maybe in Hackney,

But what I need to know is, Lego, will you marry me?

Although I was the most unusually dressed (one mother told me that my costume will probably traumatize her children), I wasn't necessarily the person who got the most attention. Yoda was a favourite throughout the day, with many children wanting their picture taken with him, and a surprising amount of kids wanted to be killed by Darth Vader and the stormtroopers! It was also hilarious listening to people's reactions to our fancy dress, one dad turned to his son and said, "look, space guys!"

After spending the day being humiliated (but all in good nature) and thrown up in the air whenever anyone said the words 'Princess Leia", we all headed back to Calne and regrouped for a curry later on. A few more of my friends joined us for the meal, one turning up as a Darlek. We moved on to a local pub after the meal and watched a band play, before supposedly returning to my house to wind down the night.

When my brother returned to the living room after being absent for a good twenty minutes or so, I knew my final tribulation was upon me. I passively allowed myself to be blindfolded and led down the road to an awaiting car. After we had turned a couple of corners I had lost any sense of my surroundings, completely unaware of where we were heading.

Eventually I was taken out of the car, a stormtrooper helmet placed on top my blindfold to make doubly sure I had no clue of my location. We stood out in the cold on some grass for a while, my friends chuckling as I nervously chatted away to myself. Then we were on the move again, heading down a hill and then along a path, and stopping on some grass again.

Things got a little confusing at this point, as I was placed in a small inflatable boat and slid down a steep slope onto some water. All I could think was, how did we get to the beach so quickly? Once I had been pushed out into the water a little further I was told to take of the blindfold. I removed the mask and was instantly hit by a barrage of lemonade sprayed by my mates on the river bank. I sat in the dingy, soaked to the bone, only slightly recognising my surroundings (I wasn't wearing my glasses at this point) and wondering how on earth they had come up with this idea!

Once back on dry land, I looked around at the buildings and trees, still not quite sure where I was, even with my glasses on! Then I realised that we were in Chippenham, the next town over from mine, down where the river passes by the sports centre. Up until that point I had no idea at all where we were, a very unsettling a experience!

It was then time to head home, where I could finally shower the baked goods off the side of my face and remove the pink fairy tattoo from my forehead (one of the challenges from Legoland; sadly it didn't survive till the next day!).

So that was my stag day; Lego, pastry and watery kidnap experience! I have to say I really enjoyed the whole day. It was nice to face a few embarrassments and challenges but without it ever going too far. Thanks to Joe and Matt L for organising the whole thing, you did a fantastic job, and thanks to Adam, Dan, Ben C, Matt C, Matt H, Alex, Tim R, Chris, Tom, Tim S, Ben T, Mark and my Dad for joining in with an epic day. May the force be with you!

Stop shooting me, please!

I've started playing Quake Live recently, which has been a mixed experience. While the game itself is awesome for a free-downloadable-online-multiplayer-FPS (what a mouthful!), I have come to the conclusion that I am definitely not awesome at playing it. Having played Doom, Quake and Quake II on the PC, I'm not completely unfamiliar with using keyboard controls, but I'm having some trouble adjusting, especially when trying to use a mouse pad instead of an actual mouse to aim. But only a bad sportsman blames his tools. I guess it will just take some practice. One day I'll reach the heights of second-to-last place!

One of my uni mates who graduated in the summer is being productive with the abundant free-time that unemployment provides and has written and published some game reviews on TheGamersHub. Have a look, see what you think.

Tom's review of Mass Effect - PC

Tom's review of Fallout 3: GOTY edition - Xbox 360

Tom's review of Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II - PC

Tom's review of Dragon Age: Origins - Xbox 360

Avatar - Review

Written and directed by James Cameron, starring Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana and Sigourney Weaver.

When a film is hyped up to be the biggest cinematic event of the decade, with the general populous drowning in a sea of advertising and promotions, I find it very tempting to take a negative view straightaway, dismissing said movie as a load of overblown nonsense. However, after hearing good things from critics and my friends, I thought I'd give Avatar the benefit of the doubt. I'm glad that I did.

Set around 150 years in the future, the narrative of Avatar takes place on the planet of Pandora, a lush jungle world teeming with technicolour plant life and wonderfully exotic creatures. It is also home to a primitive race of tall, blue-skinned aliens called the Na'vi, who exist in a symbiotic relationship with the natural world of the planet. This way of life is threatened however, when the humans arrive with all their hi-tech, smoke-belching machinery and do what we do best, ravage the planet for its nature resources. Enter Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), a paraplegic former-marine who has been recruited to fill his twin's place in the Avatar programme, a scientific experiment that allows people to swap their consciousness into a genetically engineered Na'vi body. Sully begins his mission of integrating with the natives so as to understand them and help the humans co-exist peacefully with them, but the mining company and military presence on Pandora have other ideas, leading to a struggle which could bring about the extinction of the Na'vi way of life.

Let's start off with the negatives and then work our way through to the positives. Firstly, Avatar's plot is paper-thin, you can almost still see where it was scribbled on a napkin and then never redrafted, which is surprising seeing as James Cameron had the idea for the film ten years ago. After the first few minutes it's fairly obvious where the plot is heading, and to Cameron's credit, the film doesn't disappoint in as far as it goes exactly where it says it is. It does feel however that the story was never scrutinised in much detail. Things like the invaluable mineral found on the planet being called 'Unobtainium' feel half-baked, as if the name was thrown around in the planning stages and no-one could be bothered to think up anything a shade less overt. Another weakness with the narrative is how derivative it is. The 'white man goes into foreign culture, initially doesn't understand it but eventually masters it and saves it' plot is seen in pretty much the same form in The Last Samurai, which itself is a copy of Dances with Wolves. Also some of the story-telling elements have been covered before, such as the use of the forest as a natural data bank to store the Na'vi's memories, an idea that occurs in Kevin J Anderson's Hidden Empire series. The concept of floating mountains is also previously covered ground, seen in the video game Final Fantasy XII and Hayao Miyazaki's Castle in the Sky in almost exactly the same guise. So while Avatar doesn't have a necessarily bad storyline, it doesn't push the boundaries in any way.

The characters themselves in Avatar also present part of the film's weakness. Drawn from stock archetypes, it is once again very apparent from the start how they will act. This is not to say however that the performances are bad, they're actually pretty good for the most part. Sam Worthington does a solid job as the film's jar-head turned eco-warrior protagonist, as does Sigourney Weaver as Dr Grace Augustine, the prickly but morally-centred lead scientist. While she plays a completely computer-generated character, Zoe Saldana doesn't let that stop her from delivering an engrossing portrayal of Neytiri, the beautiful (if you're into blue-skinned aliens) and deadly Na'vi huntress. Giovanni Ribisi is also very believable as the selfish corporate boss concerned only with collecting the minerals regardless of the cost, as is Stephen Lang, playing the battle-scarred army colonel who just wants to crack some Na'vi skulls. However, all these characters have been seen before in one guise or another, adding to Avatar's missed opportunities for heading into new grounds instead of sticking to well-trodden paths.

Right, we've got the bad stuff out of the way, let's get onto where Avatar succeeds as a film. It won't come as a surprise when I say that Avatar looks absolutely, jaw-droppingly amazing. But don't get me wrong, I'm not just referring to the visual effects, which are second to none. The most impressive visual aspect of the film for me was the creation of the planet itself. The plants and trees are incredibly beautiful, full of vibrant colours and mysterious shapes. The creatures of Pandora move with grace and realism, making you feel like you're watching a David Attenborough nature documentary not a science fiction movie. The Ikran, huge dinosaur-like birds used as hunting mounts, are particularly impressive as they swoop and dive majestically throughout Pandora's sky. The Na'vi also follow this same realism, looking and feeling like a real civilisation, whose world the viewer is drawn into, witnessing their customs and rituals, and on some level becoming a part of their society just as Jake Sully does. No wonder people are suffering from post-Avatar depression when Pandora would be such an amazing place if it actually existed! As I already stated, the computer-generated aspects of the film (which is 40% live-action, 60% CGI if I remember rightly) are sculpted to perfection. However I do have a slight issue with the fact that in some ways this film is just that; a visual-effects exercise. Due to the saggy storyline and two-dimensional characters, it does feel a little like a computer game or just an exploitive way to boost the sales of 3-D cinema tickets, as there wouldn't be much point in watching Avatar in normal cinematic dimensions. But I found that the other aspects of Avatar's visual presentation impressed me so much that this scepticism was easily brushed aside.

While James Cameron's story-creation may not be up to scratch, his storytelling definitely is. Avatar demonstrates that he still knows how to write epic action screenplays. In particular the battle sequences at the end of the film, with the mechs and helicopters of the humans facing off against the Na'vi warriors wielding spears and bows, are perfectly paced and keep the viewer on the edge of their seat with excitement. The music and sound effects also add to this, creating the perfect aural backdrop for the entirety of the film.

While Avatar advances towards perfection in some areas, some fairly large flaws hold it back. Amazing visuals and flashy action can't be a replacement for an original and immersive plot. This isn't to say that Avatar is bad film, far from it. While all the hype surrounding the film may not be necessary or deserved, but I will say that I was very impressed and thoroughly enjoyed it; and that's what it's all about.

Visit Avatar's IMDb page

If you liked this, then try: The Alien Series, Dances With Wolves, The Last Samurai, Star Trek, Star Wars, The Terminator Series and Titanic.

Happy birthday to me!

I always look forward to the Winter months because not only does it mean Christmas is approaching, it also means my birthday is too! Well that glorious day, the 14th of December, has come and gone, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. My ethos is that no matter how old you are, your birthday is the one day of the year when you have the divine right to act like a child again. With that in mind, I spent my 23rd birthday playing Final Fantasy, watching Star Wars and building Lego!

I actually made a birthday and Christmas list this year, which sounds a bit childish but hear me out. My reasoning is that instead of people worrying about what to get me I'll give them some options. When you get older you know you're not gonna get as much for your birthday as you used to, so I thought I'd make sure the things I did get were things I actually wanted.

With that in mind, I wasn't totally surprised by my presents, but I was really thankful. Of course I got the obligatory chocolate and cash (both very appreciated), but I also got some cool DVDs, such as the first season of Firefly, a couple of Studio Ghibli films, and the original Star Wars trilogy. I only had them on VHS up until now. Lauren out-did herself this year and got me the above lego kit, which contains a lego Tauntaun and a Han Solo mini-figure with a cool little hood! Am I ever gonna grow up? Not likely!

Anyway, thank you to everyone who sent me a card or a gift, I appreciate your thoughts and generosity deeply. Also thanks to everyone who sent me a Facebook message. My inbox was clogged up with notifications as a result, but it was a welcome annoyance!

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

This is my run down of the worst through to the best of the Star Wars films, the live-action ones that this. Enjoy!

6. The Revenge of the Sith (2005)

The pinnacle of the steaming pile of excrement that is the new trilogy of Star Wars films. The charm and excitement of the original series is all but gone at this point, replaced by awful dialogue, shocking performances and an over-reliance on CGI. Even the cool space battles and light saber duels have become boring at this point. There are a few gems within this dark pit of a film, such as the Galactic Empire being formed legitimately, mirroring the coming to power of the Nazi government in 1930s Germany. But for the most part, this is just the culmination of Hayden Christensen's horrific acting, George Lucas' now terrible directing, and hopefully the last time we ever see Jar Jar Binks in a live-action Star Wars film.

5. Attack of the Clones (2002)

Definitely the worst-named Star Wars film, and quite inaccurately named, as the clone troopers technically come to the 'defense' of the Jedi. This was the point when things really started to go downhill. The plot of this installment is shaky at best, and with the introduction of Mister Christensen to the saga, the acting becomes as wooden as a tree. At no point did I believe in, or care about Anakin Skywalker's love for Padme, not when the only way he could express it seemed to be by grimacing. The film's conclusion is decidedly anti-climatic. Although the desert battle between the clone troopers and the separatist forces is fairly epic, the light saber confrontation afterwards is a hum-drum affair, even with all of Yoda's pinwheeling and leaping about.

4. The Phantom Menace (1999)

By no means is this film on a par with any of the original trilogy, but it is definitely the best of the new films. While this part of the Star Wars canon does show that Lucas' skill as a director is either gone or no longer relevant, there are some elements that are in keeping with the feel of the series. The light saber battles at this point were very impressive and not repetitive, especially the 'duel of the fates' finale. Darth Maul, the devilish henchman of the emperor, is positive element, and in my opinion the best addition to the Star Wars universe from the new films. However, this film also contains the worst addition to the Star Wars universe; Jar-Jar Binks. Argh! Just thinking about him makes me angry! I don't think I need to go into detail.

3. A New Hope (1977)

A small disclaimer at this point. The three remaining films in the rundown are light-years ahead of the previous three, and it is extremely hard to rank one better than the other. But this is how I've judged it. I remember sitting in my auntie's house as a wide-eyed child, watching those golden letters scroll up the star-spotted screen as the majestic sound of John Williams' score thundered into my ears. I was amazed by the grandeur of Luke and Han's quest to save Princess Leia and destroy the Death Star. The childish bickering of R2D2 and C3PO added humour to tale, contrasted with characters such as the evil Grand Moff Tarkin and the towering monster of Darth Vader. Every time I see the x-wing fighters wheeling over ominous Death Star, I get the same fantastic feeling. Like I'm back in my childhood again. From this point on, I was hooked, a Star Wars fan to core.

2. The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

This was a hard decision. Most people rank Empire as the best Star Wars film, and so I'm disagreeing with the majority by putting it second. But it is a supremely close second. This film contains possibly the most earth-shattering narrative twist ever seen in film history. It's so good I'm not going elaborate any further, on the slim chance that someone reading this may not have watched a Star Wars film yet. From the snowy plains of Hoth, through the swamps of Dagobah, and on to the cloud city of Bespin, the struggle of Luke, Han and Leia against the empire continues. It is worth noting that this installment of the series introduces one of the most memorable pieces of music in film history, the chilling 'The Imperial March'. New characters in form of the enigmatic bounty hunter Boba Fett, the quirky and tiny alien Jedi master Yoda and the slick businessman Lando Calrissian add new depth to the story and instantly become fan favourites.

1. Return of the Jedi (1983)

Here we are, at what I consider to be the best Star Wars film of the saga. Luke is on his way to becoming a Jedi, and the rebels have a plan to cripple the empire once and for all. But there's the little matter of freeing Han Solo from the clutches of the malicious slug-like crime-lord Jabba the Hutt. And then it's off to meet everyone's favourite deadly teddy bears on Endor. I guess the ewoks are probably the reason why Jedi is seen as a worse film than Empire, but look at it this way; they could be Gungans. The film's epic finale is what wins it for me. The three simultaneous battles, one amidst the trees of Endor, another above the planet in space, and the final one between the warriors light and dark in the emperor's throne room, make for a truly entertaining end to the saga. This is my favourite Star Wars film for sure. It ties up the story nicely, but has allowed for an amazing universe of fan fiction to be built upon it and carry on the legend.

And that's it for my rundown. It's fairly brief, but I think I'd bore you if I went any further. And trust me I could go on.

J'adore...

It's always nice to come back from holiday in a hot, sunny, dry location, and descend into the dreary, wet, dull countryside of the UK! I am glad to be home though, I've only been away for a week and a few days but it feels like ages.

After finishing my work experience on Friday, Lauren and I travelled to France and stayed in Paris for a few days. I was a fantastic break and will be really useful for the travel writing unit I'm taking next semester. I'll post a full account of my trip and some pics as soon as possible.

This morning has been one of phone calls. I had some loose ends to tie up, and with the help of Mr. Telephone, they are all tied neatly in little bows. Firstly, I needed to change the delivery address for my tickets to see Enter Shikari in Southampton. Done. Then check with my uni to see what I need to do about my late loan application (due to the inadequencies of Wiltshire County Council). Turns out the uni are well prepared for the onslaught of students with no proof of their loans, so I have no issue there. Lastly, I rang Play.com for the second time to find out what has happened to some DVDs I ordered two months ago, and decided to get a refund. Sorted.

Now I've gotta pack up my stuff one last time for my final year (he says, a tear trickling down his cheek). I got my timetable for the next semester today, and it's pretty good. I get Fridays off and only have seven hours contact time a week! But I guess that means I'll have to whip my time management skills into shape.

I've started writing a sci-fi short story, which I will post soon. It will probably be a two-part thing. It's an uber-geeky space battle sequence, a little homage to Star Wars and stuff like that.

Sam Richards is no longer M.I.A.

I've been off the radar for quite a while, but I'm back now. It's been a very busy week and a half!

I've been in Portsmouth since Monday, helping at a music academy that my church is putting on. I had to learn four songs for the academy, "Mercy" by Duffy, "When You Were Young" by The Killers, "Stop and Stare" by One Republic and "Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. The last one was an interesting choice, but we've made it quite 'rocky'. I had to spend most of last week working out all the parts and learning them, hence my absence from the blogger-verse. 

We had one guitarist yesterday, who didn't turn up today, and isn't going to come anymore! So I taught the songs to the other guy helping with the teaching, because I'm off home tomorrow and won't be there for the performance on Saturday. It was useful for me to be there anyway, because they needed someone to practice with the kids.

It has been very tiring though; we arrive at 8ish in the morning and finish at 5. Because we have to stay with the kids all day I spend 8 hours a day in the great indoors. I was so glad to get outside at the end of the day!

Bought a new DS game the other day that's really good. It's called Puzzle Quest: Galactrix and it's uber-geeky. Essentially it's Tetris crossed with Star Wars, and therefore, very cool. Also got the new Divine Heresy album, which I will review for you in the not too distant future.

Alone with the Bodies - Part 4 of 4

The scientists rushed out of the airlock, bouncing along in their bubble suits, entering Lobert’s dome.

"What have you done now Stein?" Raged Findus. "You better not have-" He stopped, struck speechless by the sight of his colleague, standing on the alien soil, wearing no projective suit.

"What have you, what…" Findus tried again, but words failed him. The four scientists with him were also dumbfounded.

"I’ve done it, I’ve made the atmosphere breathable," Lobert exclaimed excitedly. "I don’t know how, but I’ve done it." The scientists looked at him in shock.

"Look, watch me." Lobert took a deep breath and theatrically exhaled. The scientists cried out in unison, joyfully rushing to Lobert’s side to shake his hand and clap him on the back, his uncovered flesh clasped in the plastic of their gloves. Even Findus congratulated him serenely, making Lobert swell with pride.

All the scientists, technicians and other assorted staff were summoned to the dome to witness the extraordinary event. Lobert saw Xan smiling at him amongst the assembled people, from military officers to the cleaners. Lobert felt guilty. It was obviously Xan’s input that had brought about the change. He looked back into the scientist’s eyes, trying to impart his feelings. Xan seemed to understand, raising a hand as if to tell Lobert not to worry. When they all had arrived Findus quietened the buzzing crowd, whose gaze was fastened on Lobert. The head scientist raised his hands to bring them to silence.

"My comrades," he began. "Today we stand on the brink of a new era for Taurus Delta. Today, we are indebted to Doctor Stein, for reaching out and grasping a new home for the human race!" The crowd clapped and cheered, Lobert flushed with embarrassment. "Now," continued Findus, hushing the men and women, "let us join in tasting the air of this, our new conquest." In unison, all fifty-seven of the dwellers on the planet removed their helmets and took a deep breath.

Horrified dread rushed over Lobert Stein as he watched his gathered colleagues scrabbling frantically at their throats, their faces turning blue and then purple, as they fell to the ground. Their heads shrunk grotesquely, and with a chorus of wet, squelching pops, their brains were crushed by the noxious gases clamping down on their skulls. Lobert screamed as he staggered backwards, shouting to the central computer.

"What seems to be the problem Doctor Stein?" The computer’s voice dripped like honey into his ears from the dome’s internal speakers.
"They’re all dead" he cried.

"Yes, it seems they couldn’t breath the air, the fatal reaction causing-"

"Why didn’t you stop them?" Lobert interrupted.

"I assumed it was part of your experiment," the computer replied, placidly. "A controlled test, so to speak."

"What d’you mean, controlled test? Hang on a second, why can I breath the air?" Lobert manically questioned.

"Because of your success in melding the properties of the alien creature with those of your own. I assumed that was your reason for keeping the creature in such close proximity."

"Melding properties? What the hell are you talking about?"

"By spending time with the creature you have entered its evolutionary pattern, absorbing it’s ability to breath in this harsh environment." Lobert felt his neck and recoiled in shock as his fingers ran across the gill-like flaps on his neck. How had he not noticed them before? "I assumed," the computer continued mockingly, "that you were aware of this change."

"But why didn’t you stop them from killing themselves when you knew they couldn’t breath?"

"As I have already related to you, I assumed this was part of your experiment, using a control group to show the difference from your personal reaction." The computer continued tiredly.

"Obviously from a human point of view, the loss is tragic. But you must see Doctor Stein, that you have made a breakthrough. Mankind is in your debt."

Lobert stood bewildered, staring down at the bodies of his fallen comrades. Philip watched him silently from his rock. It was then that as Lobert clapped his hands to his head in desolation, he felt six small lumps growing out of his forehead, just big enough to be noticed. Philip watched him beadily; glad to have a new friend to share his planet. He and Lobert walked out into the dusty wilderness, leaving the computer alone with the bodies.

The End

Alone with the Bodies - Part 3 of 4

A yawn forced its way out of Lobert’s mouth as he stretched his arms, filling up his lungs with recycled air. He had dimmed the lights in the laboratory, the roof panels emitting a weak glow. Normally the piercing lights gave him a headache, but the gloom was just making him sleepy. In the near darkness the glass and metal of assorted scientific equipment glimmered on the racks around the walls, reflecting the calm blue light that emanated from his workstation. In cages sedated animals slept, unaware of Lobert and his dust monkey, who walked up and down the cages, peering in at the captives with curiosity. It was late evening on Taurus Delta, and the laboratory was deserted apart from Lobert. His antisocial tendencies led him use the lab in his free time, so as to avoid human contact. His experiment was frustrating him; nothing seemed to be working the way it should. He pushed the tubes and flasks into the auto cleaner, wiping his tech-slate clear of scrawled calculations and messy notes. A noise broke the silence, making him jump. He turned to see a figure silhouetted in the harsh light of the corridor. The dust monkey crept into a gap between the cages watching the visitor.

“ Who’s there?” He asked the figure. The person walked into the room, the lab door sliding closed, returning the room to its darkened state.

“It’s me, Xan.” As his eyes adjusted, Lobert recognised the man’s Asian face and sleek dark hair. Xan perched on the bench near Lobert’s. “Working late again?” Lobert nodded. Xan Attol was the only person on the base that ever talked to him like he was a human. However, Xan wasn’t his friend. He treated Lobert like a child that needed help, which made him feel even more pathetic than the insults Findus and the others heaped upon him. He tried to look busy, fiddling with the equipment on the bench. “Anyway”, Xan continued, “I wanted to show you this.” He reached into his pocket and produced a memory film, which he handed to Lobert, who pressed the slip of material onto the tech-slate. Files and information flashed up on the screen. Lobert studied the symbols with mild interest.

“What is it?”

“It’s a code I came up with today, it should recalibrate our equipment by 0.00127 degrees of efficiency in relation to the atmospheric differential of Taurus Delta.” Xan smiled proudly.

“Why are you showing me? You should take this to Skiller.”

“Well I was going to but, well, I know you’ve hit a dead end and I thought you might like to use it a bit before I upload it on the central computer.” Lobert turned away so Xan wouldn’t see his annoyance. He hated being pitied.

“Yeah it will probably help my work’, he muttered.

“Well, you keep hold of that film, I’ll hand the code in formally in a couple of weeks. Glad I could give you a hand.” He left Lobert alone in the laboratory.

The dust monkey, sensing he could come out, trotted across the floor and jump up onto the work surface, sitting opposite Lobert. The scientist scowled at the screen. As much as it angered him, he needed any help he could get.

The days passed a little more easily now that Lobert had the dust monkey to keep his company, which he had named Philip. He had managed to persuade the computer that he needed the monkey for his work, but she wasn’t one hundred per cent satisfied, and let him know this at regular intervals. All specimens from the planet’s surface were to be kept in quarantine in the laboratories by the rules of the UEAD, so Philip had to be carefully kept a secret. Stein added Xan’s code to his work, but it didn’t seem to do much good. His results were more detailed than before, but he still hadn’t made much progress. Everything carried on as normal, with Philip living off scraps of food Lobert smuggled out of the dining hall. Everything was normal, that is, until the day of the accident.

Lobert was walking out in the dome, checking his plants. It had been almost a week since Xan gave him his breakthrough code and he still had nothing to show for it. Philip sat on a rock, watching him in the milky sunlight, his eight eyes blinking in a hypnotic fashion. Lobert turned to check his creepers and as he did, he tripped on a boulder. As he hit the ground two things happened. Firstly, the helmet of his bubble suit cracked and split in half, the fragility of the headpiece caused by a Mister Herbert Edgar, the engineer at Cyron Astro-Industries responsible for safety testing the helmet. Mister Edgar had gone on his tea break three minutes too early on the day the helmet was being tested, thus resulting in the hairline fracture in the glass going unnoticed until the very moment it struck the ground. The second thing to happen was that Lobert took a deep choking breath of the planet’s air as a rock directly beneath his chest knocked the wind out of him.

This is it, thought Lobert, awaiting the oncoming implosion of his skull, caused by the toxic gases and lack of oxygen. Lobert stein, your time is up, he concluded.

But his seemingly inevitable death did not come. He breathed out. And then in again. Realisation slowly leaked into his mind, a glass slowly filling. Somehow, he had done it. He was breathing the planet’s air.

Alone with the Bodies - Part 2 of 4

The airlock swished open efficiently, opening the way for Stein to step out onto the reddish-brown soil. Above him the glass dome of his work-garden swept up and over, encasing him almost completely, except for the gap directly opposite the door. This semi-circle gap, like a giant archway, allowed the planet’s atmosphere and plant life to seep into the dome, where Lobert could study it for the good of the human race. His shining white bubble suit bulged around his midriff, protecting him from the toxic oxygen-deficient environment. The bulbous helmet surrounded his head and upper body, making him feel like an over-sized goldfish.

He trudged out, making his daily checks on the plants growing in the dome. The creepers were creeping away, as they did, trying to cover any and every surface they could. Little black flowers twinkled in the hazy sunlight. Stein made notes on the touch-screen built into the wrist of his suit, trying to make the checks last as long as possible. He didn’t enjoy this part of his job anymore than being stuck in the view tower, but at least it got him away from the other scientists. Lobert scowled, remembering his run-in the previous day with the head of the UEAD scientific section of the base, Skiller Findus.

“How’s the research going?” smirked the tall spindly man as they passed in the corridor, two technicians reverently following, their royal blue overalls in contrast with the gleaming white of the scientist’s billowing cloak.

“Fine,” replied Lobert tersely.

“Any progress lately?”

“I’m still working on… lots of calculations… controlling variables…” Lobert muttered, frustrated.

“Well you keep up the good work,” said Findus smugly, stooping down to Lobert’s eye level, his face a contortion of pride and derision. “Luckily for the human race, there are some people here who produce results. But don’t you worry about that, we’ll let you get on with whatever you’re doing.” With that he swept away, the two technicians sniggering in his wake.

Lobert reddened with embarrassment and anger recalling the event, standing in his dome with his plants. He knew Skiller couldn’t fire him because he was a voluntary colonist, giving him a permanent position as long as he kept to UEAD regulations. But Skiller could still make his life hell if he wanted to.

He was about to turn and stomp back into the airlock when he noticed something rustling amongst the leathery creepers. Carefully, he pulled back the plant’s leaves, revealing a small furry creature. Lobert had seen them before, they were one of the first indigenous life forms to be classified on the planet, along with the skittish flat snakes that floated above the ground, rushing away as soon as they detected a presence, and the vicious bear-like predators with eyeless faces and giant fanged maws. They were known as ‘dust monkeys’, little bundles of brown fur that closely resembled the primates of Earth, except for their eight arachnid eyes, which gave them a rather creepy look, especially for those with arachnophobia. They were fairly friendly, as this one proved, staring at Lobert, unafraid.

As he looked down at the tiny animal, Lobert had a crazy idea. Without really knowing why, he coaxed the dust monkey onto his hand, and made his way to the airlock. He punched in the codes to close the door and change the room’s atmosphere. The dust monkey sat calmly on his hand. Lobert knew the little creature could cope with the atmospheric change because of the tiny gills they had discovered on the necks of the species, allowing them to breath in almost any environment. Not really knowing why, he furtively carried his new friend back to the view tower, entering the circular lift and speeding upwards into the office above.