Shopping = Tiring!

Oh my goodness, I am all shopped out! My girlfriend Lauren came down to London to see me this weekend, and other than meet up with some friends, eat lots of tasty food, and watch a man juggle chain-saws whilst wearing only pink boxer-shorts, all we've done is shop!

Not that it was a waste of time, I made some good (but bank-balance damaging) purchases. I got a cool jacket for £10, it's a thin water-proof affair, perfect for summer. I also got two t-shirts, probably against my better judgement, as I have a weakness for t-shirts and over-flowing drawers as a result. Maybe I should do a t-shirt amnesty.

Anyway, steering back to the issue at hand, the first t-shirt has a picture of an AT-AT walker from Star Wars on it, but in the style of of a Haynes manual, and the second one has a load of cool Gundam Wing robots on it. Both very cool, but I may need to purge my collection when I arrive home.

Couldn't find a picture of the Star Wars T-shirt, but click here for a picture of the Gundam T-shirt.

But however cool these purchases were, it doesn't remove the fact that I've spent the best part of 7 hours in shops this weekend. I was very well behaved though, and only whined a couple of times, which I think is an achievement!

Note to all the guys in relationships out there: if you wanna win some boyfriend/fiance/husband points, let her go in as many shops as possible, always have an opinion on her choices, and at all costs don't look at the other women in the shop! For anyone going for the bonus points, make suggestions about what might look good on her. Beware however, this could backfire terribly if you lack taste, so tread carefully!

Also anyone looking to get a girlfriend, all these tips apply, but remember you're setting the standard for the future. If you stop using any of this tips, it will be noticed and dealt with ever so severely by the fairer sex. You have been warned!

Alone with the Bodies - Part 2 of 4

The airlock swished open efficiently, opening the way for Stein to step out onto the reddish-brown soil. Above him the glass dome of his work-garden swept up and over, encasing him almost completely, except for the gap directly opposite the door. This semi-circle gap, like a giant archway, allowed the planet’s atmosphere and plant life to seep into the dome, where Lobert could study it for the good of the human race. His shining white bubble suit bulged around his midriff, protecting him from the toxic oxygen-deficient environment. The bulbous helmet surrounded his head and upper body, making him feel like an over-sized goldfish.

He trudged out, making his daily checks on the plants growing in the dome. The creepers were creeping away, as they did, trying to cover any and every surface they could. Little black flowers twinkled in the hazy sunlight. Stein made notes on the touch-screen built into the wrist of his suit, trying to make the checks last as long as possible. He didn’t enjoy this part of his job anymore than being stuck in the view tower, but at least it got him away from the other scientists. Lobert scowled, remembering his run-in the previous day with the head of the UEAD scientific section of the base, Skiller Findus.

“How’s the research going?” smirked the tall spindly man as they passed in the corridor, two technicians reverently following, their royal blue overalls in contrast with the gleaming white of the scientist’s billowing cloak.

“Fine,” replied Lobert tersely.

“Any progress lately?”

“I’m still working on… lots of calculations… controlling variables…” Lobert muttered, frustrated.

“Well you keep up the good work,” said Findus smugly, stooping down to Lobert’s eye level, his face a contortion of pride and derision. “Luckily for the human race, there are some people here who produce results. But don’t you worry about that, we’ll let you get on with whatever you’re doing.” With that he swept away, the two technicians sniggering in his wake.

Lobert reddened with embarrassment and anger recalling the event, standing in his dome with his plants. He knew Skiller couldn’t fire him because he was a voluntary colonist, giving him a permanent position as long as he kept to UEAD regulations. But Skiller could still make his life hell if he wanted to.

He was about to turn and stomp back into the airlock when he noticed something rustling amongst the leathery creepers. Carefully, he pulled back the plant’s leaves, revealing a small furry creature. Lobert had seen them before, they were one of the first indigenous life forms to be classified on the planet, along with the skittish flat snakes that floated above the ground, rushing away as soon as they detected a presence, and the vicious bear-like predators with eyeless faces and giant fanged maws. They were known as ‘dust monkeys’, little bundles of brown fur that closely resembled the primates of Earth, except for their eight arachnid eyes, which gave them a rather creepy look, especially for those with arachnophobia. They were fairly friendly, as this one proved, staring at Lobert, unafraid.

As he looked down at the tiny animal, Lobert had a crazy idea. Without really knowing why, he coaxed the dust monkey onto his hand, and made his way to the airlock. He punched in the codes to close the door and change the room’s atmosphere. The dust monkey sat calmly on his hand. Lobert knew the little creature could cope with the atmospheric change because of the tiny gills they had discovered on the necks of the species, allowing them to breath in almost any environment. Not really knowing why, he furtively carried his new friend back to the view tower, entering the circular lift and speeding upwards into the office above.

Terminator Salvation Review

Directed by McG, starring Christian Bale, Sam Worthington and Anton Yelchin, written by John Brancato and Michael Ferris.

Although one may want dismiss the latest in the Terminator series purely on the grounds of its director’s stupid name (who on earth is called McG?), I urge you strongly to reconsider. Rising from the mediocrity of T3, Terminator Salvation is a heart-pumping, immensely enjoyable action thriller, returning the terrifying scarlet glow of the terminator’s moribund eyes to the big screen with gusto and glee.

Terminator Salvation begins by introducing us to the matured, chiselled and battle-hardened John Conner (Christian Bale), who is an officer in the Resistance, a rag-tag band of human survivors fighting against the relentless force of the Skynet, a self-aware military defence network intent on the extinction of the human race through the use of metallic endoskeletons known as ‘terminators’. Conner is a messiah to many who believe he is humankind’s only hope, his quest at present to discover the location of Kyle Reece (Anton Yelchin), a teenager who will grow up to become Conner’s father through time manipulation. However, the mysterious resurrection of Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), a former death-row prisoner from years earlier, holds dark meaning for both Conner and Reece, and of course, the whole of mankind.

The latest in this summer’s group of franchise reboots, along with the dismal X-Men Origins: Wolverine and the surprisingly good Star Trek, Terminator Salvation has a vast universe to draw from, which is simultaneously a blessing and a curse. With the inherent time-travel story that runs through the Terminator narrative there are always theoretical issues for any nerd to pick up on. For example, if humans eventually can travel back in time, why do we show so much restraint in only using this technology to save John Conner, and not to go back and eliminate Hitler?

However, Terminator Salvation succeeds in bringing out the elements that make the Terminator series so popular. The visual style of the film is reminiscent of its predecessors, drawn from a very bleak pallet and using gargantuan industrial and technological environments as the backdrop for the film’s action. The evil mecha-beasts that are terminators appear in familiar forms, such as the towering humanoid T-600, but also include some new additions to their ranks, like the massive, steam-belching robots with shoulder-mounted cannons that snatch humans up to be experimented on, and the eel-like hydrobots that lurk in lakes and rivers, waiting for an unwitting human to munch upon.

A very good choice made by the writers of Terminator Salvation (John Brancato and Michael Ferris) is to avoid the folly of T3 and not dole another chase story, ground already majestically covered, and possibly exhausted, by the first two Terminator films. Although there are elements of this concept in Terminator Salvation (unstoppable machine pursues, frail human outwits it, machine rises up again, pursuit continues) the overall story is very enjoyable, if not exactly original or completely unpredictable. The familiar Terminator characters fit well into the almost Saving Private Ryan style war story and fans of the series will be delighted to finally be seeing the day after judgement day, the devastating war only shown briefly in the first and second films.

The elements that make up Terminator Salvation are all strong within their own rights. Bale is no stranger to gruff, rough and tough characters, but does not take a backseat in rejuvenating John Conner as a commanding by troubled man. Worthington fails to shine particularly brightly but does give a solid performance, in contrast to Anton Yelchin, the boyish Chekov in Star Trek, who presents us with a powerful and energetic vision of the young Kyle Reece. Also worth mentioning is Helena Bonham Carter's well played, small but crucial role in the film, which I will not discuss in detail so as to avoid spoiling plot points.  The music is dark and pounding, with the trademark metallic clashing familiar from the earlier films, supported by ear-splitting and floor-rumbling sound effects. The dialogue isn’t anything to shout about in particular, but when you insert the “I’ll be back” and the “come with me if you want to live” in the right places, there’s not much you have to do.

Cut from the same cloth as its predecessors, but forging its own path, McG’s Terminator Salvation is an incredibly fun cinematic experience, with explosive action, a thrilling plot, effective performances and the obvious possibility of sequels to come. Let’s hope the Terminator reboot can continue as strongly as it has started.

Alone with the Bodies - Part 1 of 4

Lobert Stein sat in his swivelling egg-chair, the sterile white computer consoles surrounding him like a giant mouth. The panoramic windows of his view tower gave him a constant unchanging outlook over the alien landscape of Taurus Delta, a dull brown desert pock-marked with boulders and sinewy plant-life, stretching off into all distances. The sky was an overcast cloak, always cloud-filled, misty like a blinded eye. Lobert repositioned himself, slouching in the impossibly uncomfortable chair, knowing that his lazy rest would be destroyed any second.

“Doctor Stein,” chirped the complex’s central computer in a juicy feminine singsong. “You haven’t touched your console for five minutes. Why is this?” Lobert cleared his throat. He’d always found the concept of talking to a machine a little strange. Shameful pathetic memories welled up in him, sitting in the classroom as a child back on Earth, unable to answer the tutor-bot, his classmates laughing away. The robot stood in front of his desk, its expressionless metallic face terrifying him. It felt so… unnatural.

“I was, uhh, contemplating,” he replied, scratching his balding scalp guiltily.

“Contemplation is good,” sang the computer piously, “but hard work is better. I suggest you return to your project.” Stein sluggishly obeyed, leaning forward and touching the console. His graphs and tables jumped back into existence, hovering in front of his disinterested eyes. He picked up his old-fashioned glass spectacles, wiped the lenses and propped them on his potato-shaped nose.

“That’s better,” the computer cooed patronisingly. “Remember, your work is integral to the future of the human race.” Lobert didn’t feel that encouraged. He was at a dead end. The aim of the scientist’s project was to prepare the Taurus Delta for colonisation by terra-forming the atmosphere, converting the atmosphere to human living conditions. The other scientists seemed to be constantly making breakthroughs, mapping the properties of this atom, classifying the molecules in that plant, while he sat in the chair, fruitlessly tapping away inside his pristine technological cage of an office.

It had all seemed so promising in the beginning, when he first saw the United Earth Aerospace Division billboards and video adverts, flashing with colour and intrigue. Colonising the universe. A fresh start. If he had thought about it, he would easily have come to the conclusion that all he was doing was picking up his socially inept and unsuccessful baggage and plonking it down on a different planet. One a bit dustier and a little less inhabitable. He sighed as he looked past his work, out into the endless rocky wilderness. Would he ever truly get away?

End of my second day at work experience

Well I'm sat in my cousin's room (thanks Tim for letting me stay here!) after quite a long day. It was my second day on my work experience placement today, at a literary agency in London. And it has been hard work, but very insightful and definitely will be useful in the future.

I'm learning so much about how books get published, and have picked up some massively helpful tips for any writer trying to get his/her work off the home PC and onto the book shelves.

For example, if the agency you submit your work to as a requested format for the work to arrive in, e.g. double-spaced, times new roman, font size 10, then send your work in that format! Clipart and crazy fonts just look amateur, not original.

Also put all the requested information on your submission. What is it's genre? Who is it aimed at? How long is it? The synopsis only needs to be brief, just cover the basics.

And finally, if the agency asks for submissions to be addressed 'submissions', don't address your letter to a specific agent. It will not get to them! All the post is opened by the admin staff who most likely will send the writing to an outside reader to look over. Therefore, your writing will only reach the agent if it gets past the first hurdles, not by some loophole because you addressed your submission to a certain person.

Anyway, I'm starting to sound a bit big for my boots! I'm going to be one of these poor people sending submissions soon, and I'm sure I'll be receiving some nice rejection letters like the ones I was doling out today! I guess the most important thing is to stay positive and keep working on things, regardless of any setbacks. Onwards to the future (rousing music, cheering)!!!