Introduction to 'The Landmark Reviews'

The Landmark Reviews will highlight classic films, books and video games that have stood the test of time and made advancing changes to their medium. It gives me a chance to share what I consider to be the best of the best, the stuff that has influenced and enthused me over the years.

These reviews will also allow me to look at some older products, meaning I won't have to be constantly spending money on new dvds and cds! I don't have a next-gen console so all my favourite video games are a little bit retro (but not Space Invaders retro). Enjoy!

The Prince and the Bridge - Chapter 2 of 6

When the handsome prince did not return home to the palace, the King sent out search parties all over the land, charging his knights and servants with the task of locating his lost son. They searched across the wide green fields, but they could not find him. They searched in the dark forests and caves, but they could not find him. They searched all the way to the top of the highest snow-capped mountain, but still they could not find him. Many times the king’s men crossed the bridge the prince had become, and he would try with all his might to cry out. But how ever hard he tried, the only sound the prince could now make with a pitiful creak.

Many months passed, and with great sadness, the King and Queen accepted that their son must be dead. A grand but solemn funeral was held for the lost prince. Everyone in the kingdom mourned and wept, and black flags flew from all the towers and spires across the land. Thousands of wreaths of flowers lined the palace courtyards, as the solid gold coffin was carried down the steps and out to the royal mausoleum in the hills, carrying the prince’s armour, shield and sword. As the procession crossed over the bridge the prince screamed at the top of his lungs, furiously trying to alert his family and subjects to his plight. But the feeble groans of his new wooden form were lost in the midst of the cries and shudders of the grieving crowds. For a long time a sombre mood covered the kingdom like a thundercloud, blotting out any thought of happiness.

However, there was one person who did not mourn the prince’s supposed death. Bitter little Cecil watched with glee as the panic began, and revelled in the despair he had caused. This fun was short-lived however, as soon the little creep began to fear that his dastardly actions would be discovered, and punishment would then ensue. So he and crooked mother fled the kingdom, their exit unnoticed in the frantic search to find the prince. They travelled far, across icy mountain ranges and arid hazy deserts, their paranoia driving them like frightened sheep.

Although Cecil had played his devious trick upon the prince, it did not quench his thirst for retribution against his former master. Whenever he crossed a bridge, Cecil burned with hatred against the prince, and would stamp his feet upon the wood or stone that lay beneath him.

"How d’you like that!?" He raged. "Not so tough and handsome now!"

One day, as Cecil and his mother travelled, they came to a deep gorge that barred their path. A rickety old rope bridge spanned the chasm, which Cecil and his mother began to cross. The old anger and jealousy stirred within the ugly wicked creature and he began to stomp his feet harder and harder upon the fragile planks.

"Stop it you fool, you’ll kill us both!" Cried Cecil’s mother, clinging to the frayed ropes, but Cecil did not listen. As his foot came down the bridge snapped, sending Cecil and his crone mother plunging to their doom, taking with them all of Cecil’s hatred and the dark secret of the prince’s betrayal.

Busy, busy, busy

Hey y'all! Sorry I haven't written anything for a little while. Been quite busy at work and with other stuff. Plus my parent's computer is sloooow at doing anything and we don't have wireless boardband, so posting an update generally involves 10 to 15 minutes for windows to load and then another 10 to 15 minutes for the anti-virus software to stop hogging all the memory and allow the internet to be barely useable. Oh well, could be worse. Could be dial-up.

Dial-up internet was amazing! Of course at the time you didn't have anything compare it with, so you were just happy to have a webpage load, even if it did take an hour. Who can forget the sound of the modem firing up? It was like artoo deetoo having a fit! And then there was the wonderful situation when someone was on the phone and you'd hear them speaking mystically from the back of your computer saying, "yeah... NNNNGHGH yeah, someone's KKKKFGG just turned the flippin' GFHHHJH internet on." Those were the days.

Anyway, steering frantically back on course, here's some stuff I've been up to instead of writing my blog. On Thursday I went back down to Portsmouth for the day to give my student house a final clean before leaving my keys. I severely underestimated how long it would take us. We were there for about 6 hours in total, but we left it spotless. The 'we' I am refering to here is my girlfriend Lauren (we're actually engaged but I always call her my girlfriend, might get in trouble for that), her grandma and myself. Now I know what you're thinking; how could I press-gang a poor elderly woman in cleaning my house? Firstly, she's fairly young and secondly, she offered to help, so... The job would have taken twice as long if she hadn't come, she is a master at cleaning, bless her. Anyway, the job is done now and I'm glad of it.

Yesterday, which was Saturday, I had a band practice with some guys from my church and my job at a certain frozen foods supermarket to take up my time. I decided to organise some music events over the summer with the help of Lauren, because there are a few people who can play well at my church, it's just a case of getting us organised. The practice went really well, considering we only played for an hour and a half, and for the first time in 3 or 4 months! Work wasn't too bad, I do the home delivery driving when they need me to, which gets me out of the shop and into the ghettos! It's not all bad though, I can listen to the tennis in the van, so every cloud...

To finish, just a small mention of the recent passing of Michael Jackson. I'll be brief because I don't have anything too valuable to add what others have already said. I hope his family can find peace at this difficult time and that we will remember him for the music and not the controversy. I wasn't the biggest fan but I still respect him as one of the greatest musicians and performers of our time.

The Prince and the Bridge - Chapter 1 of 6

Once upon a time there lived a handsome prince. His hair was dusky brown, thick and lively, his face was chiselled like a precious stone, his body muscular and fit, and his eyes were oceanic blue, one glance reducing women to swooning fits. Everyone wanted to be his friend, laugh at his jokes or blush at his romantic advances.

Everyone, that is, except for ugly little Cecil the servant. Imagine the complete opposite of the handsome prince and you would get an idea of what Cecil looked like. His back crooked, his eyes squinting, his face like a squashed potato, he would boil with jealousy towards the prince as he did his chores around the palace. Sometimes, when the prince was showing off to his sycophant friends, he would force Cecil to the ground and use him as a footstool, his band of followers falling about in fits of laughter.

When Cecil went home, tired and hurt, he told his mother of his humiliating day. His mother, who happened to be a rather powerful witch, concocted a plan to get revenge on the prince, the boil on the end of her nose twitching with delight. With her cauldron boiling on the fire, shadows and fumes fluttering madly, she prepared a magic potion, cackling as she outlined her vengeful scheme to her sniggering son.

The next morning Cecil sidled into the prince’s ornate bedchamber, groaning under the weight of a huge cooked breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausages, mushrooms, black pudding and fried bread.

"Lovely day, my liege," he said, grinning a mischievous grin as he swept back the purple velvet curtains.

"Oh, is it?" Yawned the prince, squinting in the bright sunlight.

"Oh yes, sir," replied little Cecil. "It’s so nice outside you can see a perfect reflection of yourself in the river. Oh, it would be marvellous to see a face as handsome as yours glistening in the water." The cogs began to turn in the vain prince’s mind.

"Do you know what? I think I’m going to have a walk down by the river this morning, as it’s such a lovely day."

"I though you might have that idea," said Cecil, trying his hardest not to giggle. After washing and dressing, the prince strode out of the palace and down to the river, Cecil scuttling after him.

"Look how handsome I make this river look," said the prince his chest puffed out with pride as he gazed at his reflection in the sparkling water. He did not notice Cecil creeping up behind him. With all his might, Cecil shoved the prince off the riverbank. As his master fell, Cecil opened the flask containing his mother’s potion and threw the contents down after him. With a puff of acrid smoke the prince began to change. His arms and legs stretched out across the river, grasping the muddy verges. His back arched up high. His whole body stiffened, turning to stone and wood. Where the prince once was, there was now a bridge!

"Ah ha!" Cried Cecil with glee. "Now we’ll see who walks on who!" With that, he stamped triumphantly across the prince and ran off to tell his mother of his success, leaving the young man stuck in mute, unmoving rage.

One more thing...

I forgot to mention this in the Common Dreads review but Enter Shikari were one of the main influences on a band that my old housemate Tom and I set up a couple of years ago. It didn't really get off the ground but we did manage to record some tracks which can be found on our myspace page. We were called 'Helvetica Outbreak' and we played a fusion of drum and bass/trance/metal, so not surprising that Enter Shikari were an influence.

Anyway, the band is very much moribund now as Tom as finished uni and gone home, but you can have a listen and see what you think. Click here to get to the myspace page.

Coming soon on 'The Musings of Samuelj' is another short story, a fairy tale I wrote for my university course called 'The Prince and the Bridge'. Hope you enjoy!